Ladies & Gentlemen! May I present to you… The Caitiff!

Ladies & Gentlemen! May I present to you… The Caitiff!

So, I’m still somewhat angry about the advice to simplify my writing, which I consider to be relatively simple anyway. Well, no man is an island, so I decided to do exactly as I have been asked. Whilst I removed some ‘complexity’ from the Caitiff, a few thousand words vanished into the ether that I am now a little below 50,000 words (on what I’ve already written anyway). BUT, I thne thought, why stop here? Why not simplify literature into handy bite-sized chunks, that the modern gentleman and lady can consume a narrative whilst shitting out their horse-meat ready meals?

Here are the first 50,000 words condensed into that which the internet would like to read.

Dude goes home.
Dude drinks.
Dude dreams.
Dude looks out the window.
Dude watches TV.
Dude goes to work.
Dude watches some guy jack off.
Dude dreams again.
Dude climbs an abandoned building.
Dude meets a friend for a drink.
Dude watches TV.
Dude dreams… again.
Dude showers, watches TV, daydreams.
Dude knocks over some books, considers suicide.
Dude watches a woman.
Dude dreams… far too often.
Dude goes for a drink, friend doesn’t turn up.
Dude listens to manager speak.
Dude drinks, watches a woman.
Dude gets dragged to a nightclub.
Dude goes home with woman.
Dude dreams.
Dude wakes up.
Dude goes for breakfast with woman.
Dude listens to her talk about art.
Dude sleeps with her.
Dude takes her to see the abandoned building.
Dude lays in bed with her.
Dude takes her to the Christmas Market.
Dude watches TV.
Dude meets a friend, gets drunk.
Dude goes to see the girl.
Dude goes to work.

One thought on “Ladies & Gentlemen! May I present to you… The Caitiff!

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