I woke up last night, from what little sleep I managed to enjoy, with the sudden realisation that, not only had I not uploaded anything for over a week, when I have small filler pieces (Brief Ramblings On…, and some more of the State of Decay narrative) which could easily have been used to tide this blog type thing over until I had some proper news to impart, but that I hadn’t even logged on in the past few days.
So, first thing this morning, I loaded up the ol’ WordPress, only to discover that, since I’ve been away, my blog has broken 2,000 views! That’s crazy! I had intended to reveal a little more of the Caitiff when it reached 2,000, but now I guess I’m waiting until 2,100 cos’, y’know, I’m twenty-one (that’s as good an excuse as any, right?).
But, anyway, over the last week I’ve applied for a lot of jobs (still not heard anything back though), finally sorted out my Universal Credit application (a.k.a. a stupidly updated version of the dole which seems intent on assuring people that there is no shame attached to not being able to survive of your own abilities) and written another ten thousand words on the Caitiff, so I’m on about eighty thousand now.
I started thinking, however, what would I do with it when it was done?
I could attempt to get it published in the more accepted manner, though I hate the idea of relying on a Literary Agent or some such for that, which severely limits the houses I could send it to, or I could simply unleash it onto the internet with a meagre price tag and hope that someone finds enjoyment in the thing.
I think, in a way, I would like to appeal to my narcissism, and to prove to my parents and peers that I haven’t been completely wasting my time, locked away in this dark room trying to cut down on the words ‘moment’, ‘wondered’, ‘staccato’ and ‘jarring’, by being able to see something of mine on a shelf in a book shop. However, I cannot think of anywhere I would be likely to send it to, other than Seren Books (a Welsh publisher of Literary Fiction which I happen to be a fan of), and I’m not sure if my mostly dismal brand of generalised contempt is something that they are likely to find enjoyable.
So, honestly, it is looking likely that I’ll be going the way of Adjective Narcissism and God Metaphor (and Desperate Light, which is still available for free on Smashwords!); self-publishing through Amazon and Smashwords and receiving fairly good reviews from those few people who deign to give them a try, whilst spending my time job searching in one browser and steadily watching the days tick by with no responses and a sudden leap in sales when the eBooks go free for a few days.
That is not to say, of course, that self-publishing is a route one will only go when establish publishing houses have no interest in what you write. AN and GM were both things I desired to release as eBooks alone because they were experimental, insane and the things I have used to ‘cut my teeth’ as it were, in the writing style I abuse for my narratives. Hell, those two barely even had narratives, so deeply were they lost in the quagmire of the experiment. I loved having complete control over the things I had created, I loved taking my own pictures and editing them, and talking about the process with strangers over the internet, because I would be too embarrassed to spend more than a few seconds discussing them with people I have known for extended periods of time.
In a way, I think that last part is because I still do not really think of myself as a writer. I write, I know, but I haven’t reached the point where I can define myself by that action.
Anyway, if my blog view counter hits 2,100 today (which is entirely possible, it is already on 2,095), then I will upload a good chunk of the Caitiff for your perusal. Not the start, I promise, no doubt you’ve already read that when I posted it last time, but something confusing and pretentious from the middle of the piece.
Thank you for reading! Expect to see some more State of Decay later as well, whether I reach 2,100 or not!