For a long time, I thought about not putting Adjective Narcissism out there. I’m sure a lot of people agree that I shouldn’t have done, but I’m glad I did. At the time, I wanted to write about video games; the entire point of this blog, originally, was just that I could get some experience writing about them as actual pieces of art, or narrative worth, as well as dealing with some of the more irritating aspects of the culture.

When I started writing AN, the first in the Broken Polemic series, it was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. I didn’t intend to show it to anyone, not at first. It was just going to be something to, kind of, work out what I wanted to say, how I wanted to say it and, basically, who I wanted to be.

What Is Adjective Narcissism? The Cover of J.W. Carey's Adjective Narcissism - a toilet cubicle in Wigan

The title comes from not only how I was feeling at the time, but also some feedback I got from one of my tutors around the time I was writing it. I remember that she told me I used adjectives far too much, and that there was no need for them. So, obviously, I filled every page I wrote with adjectives; I’m kind of amazed I passed that part of the course.

It was around this time that I started to realise just how narcissistic and self-obsessed I would need to be if I was going to become a writer. Everything would need to be about me, about how I perceived the world – I realised that I needed to approach everything from a position of superiority. I would definitely say that even writing the damn thing has had an impact on my personal life; it kind of made me feel like I had something to say and I was fortunate enough to have a platform to say it on, even if nobody listened.

Although it’s only short, it can be failry difficult and it still has the definite feel of a debut piece of work, I am quite proud of AN. I wouldn’t be the same person I am today without it.

Why Did I Write Adjective Narcissism?

Notebook covered in post-it notes for J.W. Carey's Adjective Narcissism
This was going to be the original cover for Adjective Narcissism, although with a lot more post-it notes and phrases. I really wanted to go for that indie look. I can’t remember what made me choose the alternative.

I was going through something of a dry spell in terms of writing; after a class, me and a few other students went out for a drink which quickly become a pretty solid session. I hadn’t eaten, had barely slept and had too many painkillers rolling around in my stomach. As a result, I had to get off the train at every other stop to throw up and ended up falling asleep on a bus. When I woke up, I had no idea where I was.

It was the morning after, when I woke up, that I started writing. It felt like something had snapped in my head; I don’t know what, but I felt suddenly liberated. Like I could write what I wanted. I’d never had that feeling before.

Download This Free eBook, From Smashwords And Other Websites

I originally put the novella on Amazon, but soon decided that I wasn’t happy asking people to pay for it. So I turned it into a free eBook and gave it to Smashwords. If you want to try it out, you can follow the link, or click on the Adjective Narcissism cover image to your left (or at the bottom if you’re on a smaller screen).